My Story

Darcy Plunkett and Jourdan Virginia Blue, founder of Relationship Theory Model

Relationship Theory Training, Nashville, Tn., October, 2024. With founder, Jourdan Blue

I’m glad you are here.

My name is Darcy Plunkett, and I am a Psychotherapist and an RTM (Relationship Theory Model)Therapist-in-Training in Dayton, Ohio.

I wanted to share my story briefly with you so you could get to know me a little bit, and perhaps relate to my story yourself on some level.

I knew I wanted to be a therapist when I was 12 years old and announced to my Dad, “I want to be a Psychiatrist!” I didn’t realize the difference between a Psychiatrist and a therapist at the time. My Dad poo-pooed the idea, surely thinking that he didn’t want his little girl to work with ‘crazy people.’ It was a clear memory like so many others of being lovingly dismissed rather than probed for what I meant by my questions – or taken seriously as a girl growing up in the 1970’s. And – I’m sure my dad was distracted by things in his own life, and his intentions were good. But the impact that had on my young mind was that I must be wrong for what I ‘thought’ I wanted.

My parents were my idols, as so often is the case. They both came from profound trauma, my mother being raised by a physically abusive alcoholic father and watching her mother regularly get beaten, and my father, also from an alcoholic background, and was raised in and out of the foster care system in the 1930’s and 1940’s. For what they had been through, the family and careers they created were magnificent. They loved their five children unconditionally, and mine was the house that ALL of the kids wanted to come to. They welcomed and accepted all people with open arms with unconditional acceptance. I was and am proud of the family I come from.

Therefore, I was always so confused by the shame I felt growing up and carried into my adult life. I’ve worked really hard at healing, and have come a long way. But after years of seeking, working, praying and studying, I finally understand it. My parents and generations before them didn’t know about Attachment Theory. All of our traumas, shame and pain stem from our original attachments and the meaning we made of ourselves in the process. The research on Attachment Theory is only 70 years old. That combined with the research on Brain Neuroplasticity (only 20 years old) was not information that has been available in previous generations Considering what my parents had been through, they did a great job raising us.

As a girl, my Dad always called me a ‘professional friend.’ I was the friend that everyone came to with their problems. Even at the age of 4 years old, I was negotiating peace in the neighborhood and helping people to see the best in each other. (Surely a reaction to an anxious insecure attachment style – in addition to temperament!)

At the age of 11, I became the daughter whose mother came to her with her problems for decades… I was unwillingly emotionally enmeshed in my parents’ marriage from the age of 11 until 23 when I finally put a stop to being my mother’s sounding board about a long-standing love affair she’d been having. She was living a double life, and I, in large part, was an accomplice – keeping secrets, and devising schemes to keep my family together. I believed her when she told me that she would never hurt my dad by leaving. I protected my parents and their marriage fiercely. It was on my mind every day, all day, in some capacity.

When I was 44 years old, after 52 years of marriage, my parents divorced. It was then that my Dad and I were able to talk openly about my Mom’s affair (led to by her extremely avoidant attachment style). He was devastated that I had been put in the position I had been put in, and thought HE was protecting US by staying for so long. Apparently, it hadn’t been a secret to him either.

After their divorce, my family changed in about every way. We became fractured, and there is much unresolved trauma, which is so so sad. Divorce really does harm families for the most part, no matter when they occur.

I married the love of my life at the ripe young age of 23, and was really scared to do so due to my own parents’ struggles. But – he was the guy who made me a better version of myself. I couldn’t let him get awayJ We have been committed to having a brutally honest, real, conscious marriage. It hasn’t been easy, but it has been worth it. We have ridden out all the typical ups and downs of a long term marriage, and with the new information I’ve learned in RTM, I’m even more committed to making our relationship as good as it can be. Vulnerable, cherishing, fun, romantic and connected.

There is so much research that says that the #1 factor in happiness when people are getting ready to die is the quality of their romantic partnership. This had nothing really to do with the length of the relationship. You can be in a lifelong marriage that is stable, but not secure, or a 5 year relationship that is 100% secure and deeply fulfilling. More-so than career, money, adventures, etc., having a secure relationship with a significant other is what brings people the most happiness in life. We are wired for it, so it is something very much worth working for.

Because of my upbringing and deep curiosity about my parents’ marriage as well as being in a long-term marriage myself, I always wanted to be a marriage counselor and help others heal their own traumas and have thriving relationships. However, the stats aren’t good for traditional marriage counseling, so I stuck with individual therapy for my entire career as a therapist.

Serendipitously, when I was considering seeing couples in my practice about three years ago, I was listening to a therapy podcast as I often do. In this podcast, I was introduced to a therapist named Jourdan Blue who had created an approach that offers real results for couples. It is very direct, psychoeducational, and there are 12 structured steps that she takes couples through which cause tremendous breakthroughs, growth and connection.

I knew immediately that I wanted to be trained by her. She shared in the podcast that she trains other therapists how to do her approach (called The Relationship Theory Model), and I reached out to her that day.

It took a few years for her to have the bandwidth to bring her training to therapists, but – she did it! I was honored to have been chosen to learn from her along with 15 other therapists from around the globe live in Nashville, Tn. where she and her team are based. I will be in training with her for the whole year, and have already had so much success with this model with couples in my practice. Encompassed in this training is the RTM approach to working with individuals, and EMDR.

First and foremost, I am excited to apply this work to my own marriage, which – it took me awhile to be able to say this – is happily stable, but not as securely attached as it could be. Doing this work within our own marriage will certainly trickle down to our children and their marriages as well ending the legacy of trauma in our families and truly change the course of relationships for future generations.

I am honored to bring this work to Dayton, Ohio and hope to open an office in Naples, Fla in the near future. I can also offer this process virtually, though being in person is preferable.

After being on such a healing journey myself, I can testify that the combination of Attachment Theory and Brain Science (both premise of RTM) has been the key shift that has actually assisted me in overcoming my own shame, which has kept me ‘living small’ for most of my life. RTM is a re-wiring process, and it works.

I feel filled with hope both personally and professionally, and believe that with all of my personal experience, wisdom of my age as well as being in a 35 year marriage where we are actively involved in the RTM process, I can offer excellent therapy to couples who are willing to have a growth mindset and put in the work.

I am grateful for the path that lead me here, and grateful that this work exists and has such a high success rate.